THE MOO -T POINT
As Iwarrior World matures, these pages will support a manager/curator in charge of expanding the humor collection.
KIDS SAY
SCHOOL
MOLLY TALES
NOTES
CLASSROOM
MIXED BAG
MIXED BAG 2
Hay Guys!
Molly Moo at the Moo–t Point, my green pasture with the ultimate view.
Been there. Done that. I’ve seen it all.
Discover what it’s like to live with Mr. Lovabull, my insignificant other who needs Viagra. Support me at Iwarrior World and I will be moo-tivated to keep the flow happening. Maaaybe.
Just picked up my latest copy of Cowsmopolitan.
It’s a must-read girls.
Delicious after you’re done too!
Articles include:
* How to Milk Your Ex for Everything
* Cowsmetic Surgery: How to Correct that Gummy Smile
* Spotting the Unskilled Lover – Before He Spots You
And my favorite:
Bachelor of the Month – Cowsmo’s Bouncing
All-Bull, No-Bull “Mr. Avail A. Bull
Molly says:
Ever wonder why you bother learning all that new pedagogy
they throw at you with the conviction that this time they know
what they’re talking about – so you better learn it. They probably don’t.
All experienced teachers know that most of it is pure unadulterated male bovine waste!
The whole pedagogy thing has gotten entirely left-hemisphere out-of-control!
Every experienced teacher knows that if you’re not as intuitive as a Jeti warrior in the classroom, you’ll eventually be killed
by boredom, exhaustion, or worst of all, indifference.
The essentials of good pedagogy haven’t changed.
Of course, you can’t tell that to farmer You Know Who.
You’ll be identified as a poor team milker. Right?
Last in the barn. Such is the life of the teacher.
Here’s some stuff I dug up recently.
Finally some real hay
Highest Ever Paid Teacher in the History the Profession
“We weren’t alerted by her.”
Detroit Public Schools Chief Financial Officer Ken Forrest,
on a teacher who mistakenly received $4,015,624.80
after taxes, for 18 minutes of work.
Good work Ken.
Any job openings for a high butterfat Swiss?”
Arithmetic Test
1960’s straight arithmetic version: A logger cuts and sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of that amount. What is his profit?
1980’s feel good about yourself version: A logger cuts and sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost is $80, his profit is $20. Find and circle the number 20. Take as long as you like.
1990’s environmental consciousness version: A tree butcher cuts down a beautiful stand of 100 rare Sequoia trees in order to make a measly $20 profit. Write an essay explaining how you would feel if someone took an axe to you. Topics for discussion: How did the trees and squirrels who lived in them feel? Is there any real profit in this? (Hint: The answer is a two-letter word.)
2010’s parking lot version: If there were such a thing as a logger (a person who used to cut down trees), a forest (a place where plants used to grow), with trees (those tall things that used to sprout out of the ground), ah forget it . . . .
NOT EMPTY
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
“Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood,
as you know, would run into it,
and I should turn red in the face.”
“Yes, sir,” the boys said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright
in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t
run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “‘It’s because yer feet ain’t empty.”
Bennet Cerf
There was a scholar named Fressor
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It was at last so small
He knew nothing at all
And today he’s a college professor.
Susan Ohanian
A teacher’s day is one-half bureaucracy, one-half crisis, one-half monotony, and one-eightieth epiphany. Never mind the arithmetic. Teachers consist of equal parts of perspiration, inspiration and resignation.
I never did very well in math – I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn’t meant my answers literally. Calvin Trillin
I am teaching . . . It’s kind of like having a love affair with a rhinoceros. Anne Sexton
It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others – and less trouble. Mark Twain
The Simpsons
“It’s just hard not to listen to TV: it’s spent so much more time raising us than you have.” Bart Simpson
Homer Simpson
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.
The lesson is, never try.
The Common Period
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment
to find out something exciting
and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they’d found,
the first little boy the teacher called on
walked up to the front of the class,
and with a piece of chalk,
made a small white dot on the blackboard
and sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
“It’s a period,” he replied.
“I can see that,” said the teacher,
“but what is so exciting about a period?”
“Darned if I know,” he said,
“but this morning my sister was missing one,
mommy fainted,
daddy had a heart attack
and the man next door shot himself.”
OBSERVE CAREFULLY
A biology teacher was giving a class on Observation.
He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid, and said:
“This is urine. To be a good doctor,
you have to be observant to the things around you.
For example: color, smell, sight and taste.”
After saying that, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, but mostly, in disgust.
But, being the good students that they were,
the jar was passed around,
and one by one, they dipped one finger
into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done,
the teacher shook his head in disagreement.
“If any of you had been observant enough,
then you would have noticed
that I put my second finger into the jar
and my third finger into my mouth.”
Careers Education: Sincerity and Success
Students always want to know the secret to success. And they’re only interested in the one sentence formula. As a professional educator with many years of experience in both teaching and the world of business I’ve finally figured out what to tell them. I always tell them that the secret of success is sincerity. “Once you can fake that” I tell them, “you’ve got it made.”
The Simple Solution
“If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind.” Don Marquis
Geography Teacher: Getting Their Attention
If you’re a geography teacher and you desperately need to get your kids more motivated, here’s a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go “Whoa! Whoa!” and flail your arms around, like you’re going to fall in. After this, you’ll have your students eating out of the palm of your hand. Guaranteed!
History Lesson:
Nice Touch for Concluding your Viking Unit
Tell your kids that when the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, “Hey, good job.”
History Lesson:
Teaching about the Conquistadors
Student: “What were the conquistadors like?”
Teacher: “Well let’s put it this way, if you were a poor Aztec with no weapons and bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, ‘I swallowed it, so sue me.'”
Pedagogy: Help Them Feel Good I
Children need encouragement. If a student gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a healthy lucky guess feeling.
Pedagogy: Help Them Feel Good II
If a kid asks where the rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “probably because of something you did.”
Pedagogy: Help Them Feel Good III (Kids Love This)
One thing kids like is to be tricked.
For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse.
“Oh no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.”
He cried and cried, but I think deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
I started to drive over to the real Disneyland,
but is was getting pretty late.
History Lesson: Socrates
“Sure, everyone always said ‘Socrates what is the meaning of life?’ or ‘Socrates how can I find happiness’, but did anyone ever say “Socrates, hemlock is poison before his death.”
Careful What You Ask
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class?
Let’s start with you, Robert.”
“The artwork,” says Robert.
“Very good. And you, Peter?”
“Her tits!” says Peter.
“Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall,”
responds the teacher with disgust.
“And you, Johnny?”
“I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…” says Johnny